Many adult children don’t know which bank their parents use, whether there’s a life insurance policy, or where the will is, until they need to. This guide is for getting that information in one place with your parents, calmly and ahead of time, without asking for their passwords.
Step 1: Bring it up
This is often the hardest part. A few things that make it easier:
- Pick a quiet moment, not a holiday dinner or a crisis.
- Lead with your reason, not theirs: “If something happened, I’d want to do things the way you’d want.”
- Make it about the where, not the how much: “I don’t need to know what’s in your accounts. I’d just like to know where things are and who to call.”
- Offer to do the writing, and let them decide what goes in.
- If they’re not ready, leave it open and try again later. One item is a good start.
Some ways to open the conversation:
- “Can we spend an hour making a list of who to call if one of you is in the hospital?”
- “Where’s the will kept? I don’t need to read it, I just want to know where it is.”
- “Would you show me which insurance companies you use?”
Step 2: Work through the checklist together
Your parents’ checklist
Ticks stay on this page only. Nothing you tick is saved or sent anywhere.
mykinmap.com/resources/organize-aging-parents-information/ · Last reviewed: ______________
Step 3: What not to collect
You don’t need your parents’ passwords, PINs or full account numbers to know where things are, and holding them can create problems for everyone. If you may need to act for them one day, the proper route is legal authority, such as a power of attorney, and the bank’s or insurer’s own process. An estate attorney can explain what applies in your parents’ state. More on why a list of what exists is better than a list of passwords.
Step 4: Keep it in one place, and keep it theirs
A binder at their house works if everyone knows where it is. When family lives far apart, a shared list that stays current helps more.
With KinMap, your parent owns their KinMap and invites you as a trusted person. You can sit with them to fill it in, and they choose what you can see. It records what exists, where it’s kept and who to call, and never asks for passwords, PINs or full account numbers. How sharing works: each person sees only what’s shared with them, or see what a trusted person sees.
Want the same list for your own household? Use the family emergency information checklist, and the important documents checklist for where papers are kept.
Common questions
What documents should I have for my elderly parents?
You may not need copies of everything, but it helps to know where things are: the will, powers of attorney, insurance policies, property papers and identity documents. The checklist above covers each one. If you may need to act for them, ask an attorney about a power of attorney.
How do I talk to my parents about their finances without it being awkward?
Pick a calm moment, lead with your own reason, and ask about where things are rather than how much. Let them decide what goes in, and don’t push if they’re not ready.
Should I have my parents’ passwords?
We’d suggest not. Know which accounts exist and where things are. To act on their behalf, use the proper legal and institutional routes; an attorney can explain.
What if my parents don’t want to share?
Respect it. It’s their information. Start small, with who to call and where the will is, and come back to the rest later.
What happens if a parent is in the hospital and no one can pay their bills?
Hospitals have social workers who can help. Acting on someone else’s accounts usually requires legal authority, and an attorney can explain the options in your state. It’s one reason a list made ahead of time helps.
Set it up together
KinMap is one place to record what exists, where it’s kept and who to call, shared with the people you choose. Each person sees only what you allow, and it never asks for passwords, PINs or full account numbers.
Free plan available. Full KinMap is $19/year (founding member price).